Thursday 2 February 2017 by Pete Redfern

Pyromaniacs eagerly await release of new Samsung fire hazard


Phone on fire

Pyromaniacs and budding arsonists are eagerly anticipating the release of the Samsung Galaxy Tab S3, which is expected to be unveiled at the Mobile World Congress on February 26.

The tablet will have a 9.6inch display and is hotly anticipated to demonstrate the very latest in skin scorching technology, in addition to showcasing the fastest ever clothing ignition capability.

Speaking from his cell, convicted arsonist Simon Williams reportedly bragged to prison officers, “When I get out of here the first thing I’ll do, after celebrating Brexit with my like-minded friends, is get my hands one of these beauties.”

He explained “I used the Samsung Note 7 to burn down a bus shelter just by leaving it there every day until it eventually caught fire. But this new product from those legends at Samsung promises to be more reliable at exploding precisely when I need it to.”

It is understood that the new product will not only appeal to the criminally minded, but also thrill-seeking technophiles.

Technology fan and daredevil Christopher James told reporters “I can’t wait for this next one. The Note 7 was fairly exciting to use but I had one for two months before it caught fire, so when it finally happened it was a bit of an anti-climax.

“Hopefully this new model will be more exhilarating. I’m looking forward to the adrenaline rush of strolling into work or taking a seat on the tube, all the time wondering if today will be the day the thing explodes or ignites my jeans turning me into a spectacular human fireball.”

The Samsung Galaxy Tab S3 is expected to retail at around £399, with some retailers planning to include a free fire extinguisher with the product to boost sales.

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