Thursday 2 February 2017

Beyonce asks Jay-Z not to share photo of her vomiting into a toilet


Beyonce

After releasing a flatting pregnancy photo, Beyonce has told Jay-Z he better not post that one he took when he was holding her hair back while she vomited into the downstairs toilet.

The couple announced they are pregnant with twins using a carefully staged photo of Beyonce underneath a mosquito net to raise awareness of Malaria, though Jay-Z allegedly had other ideas.

A friend of the couple explained, “Jay-Z likes to keep it real, and what’s more real than a pregnant woman throwing up her breakfast for the fourth time this week?

“He thought it was gritty, and gave the fans a look at the real them and actually sampled her vocal during one particularly violent wretch.

“He was even considered calling his next album Blowin’ Chunks but Beyonce literally said she’d murder him in his sleep.

“Beyonce may be one of the most beautiful women in the world, but no-one looks good neck deep in the nearest Armitage Shanks. No-one.”

Sources claim that the photo is unlikely to ever be released, due to the fact that Beyonce has one of Jay-Z taking a dump while reading Carp Fishing Monthly.

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