Wednesday 1 February 2017 by JS Harding

‘Please leave your filthy mugs and pots for me’ pleads Washing Up Fairy


Washing up fairy is real

A tiny blonde lady sporting wings and wearing Marigolds has insisted she is the washing up fairy.

The announcement flies in the face of thousands of annoying ‘There’s no such thing as the washing up fairy…’ propaganda posters plastered over work kitchens across the country.

And the diminutive dish-scrubber has further shocked the open-mouthed masses by telling them ‘Leave your filthy mugs and pots on the side, it’s fine!’

Speaking at a magically arranged press conference, the twinkle-eyed fairy declared, “It’s true! I’m real, I’m here and I’m ready to wash up for Britain!”

“So, dump your plague-ridden, weapons grade mugs that haven’t been scrubbed out since 2009 somewhere vaguely near the sink.

“Abandon the pots and plates you pretend that you haven’t used, without fear of reproach from your office’s tidiness Stasi.

“And you can even bring me the ancient emergency cups with the company logo that only unfortunate temps and wanker clients have to drink from.

“Because I’m here for good – my omnipresent scrubbing will have the nation’s dishes sparkling forevermore!

“Although I do prefer the soft water areas.”

When asked by reporters where the ruddy hell she’s been all these years, the Washing-Up Fairy claimed she had been in fairy training school – along with her good friend, ‘The Dog Poo Fairy’, who is also expected to reveal herself soon.

Her management later confirmed that she was not responsible for drying up or putting away.

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