Wednesday 1 February 2017 by Pete Redfern

Essex girls slam Donald Trump for being ‘too orange’


Donald Trump fake tan

Brightly coloured female inhabitants of the easterly county have today criticised the bloated amber dictator as being ‘too orange’ to be taken seriously, and for bringing the fake tan community into disrepute.

Day-glo toned hairdresser Simone Williams told reporters, “President Trump needs a bit of fake tan, as we all do, but he’s making the rest of us enthusiasts look bad.

“If you’re going to use fake tan, you need to do it tastefully – it needs to be the right shade, delicately applied, so that it is nice and subtle. Like ours.

“Otherwise no-one will listen to you, and you will end up with people pointing and laughing at you in Lakeside shopping centre, like what happened to my mate Chantelle when she did her makeup during a power cut.”

She went on, “He’s letting us all down on the two most critical issues facing society today – hair and make-up.

“I have listened to some of his words, and we’ve been told they are the best words, but I just haven’t been able to take them in, what with being seriously distracted by his violently orange appearance.”

She added thoughtfully, “Strange, though, isn’t it. For someone so concerned about people with different coloured skin entering America, he just seems to be getting darker by the day.”

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