Tuesday 31 January 2017 by Gary Stanton

Syria to ban ‘watersports’ enthusiasts from seven Western nations


Bashir al assad

The beautiful Muslim nation Syria has announced a temporary ban on golden shower enthusiasts until they can figure out just what the hell is going on.

Nations such as the United States, Holland and Denmark have been branded a ‘clear and present’ danger to the fabric of Syrian society and the fabric of their carpets.

The ban will come into force at airports and includes anyone vaguely blond-looking with enough black bin liner to cover a king size hotel mattress.

In addition, border control queues will be scanned for people who look like they desperately need to use the toilet but are holding on for some reason.

Syria blames excess golden mattress run-off for the damage to its famous coral reef, which may die off within ten years if people don’t resort to more conventional bedroom practices.

Syria President Assad said, “These countries are not bringing their best urinators. They are bringing their least accurate and the ones that piss on each other deliberately.

“Have you seen what it does to laminate flooring?”

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