Thursday 26 January 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May invests in metal underwear before meeting President Trump


Theresa May metal pants

UK Prime Minister Theresa May has had several sets of custom-made metal underwear made for her in preparation for Friday’s meeting with President Trump.

“Obviously, it has been well-documented that Mr Trump has a, let’s say, ‘unique’ method of greeting women,” said a spokesperson for the Prime Minister.

“So, Mrs May has had some metal pants made for her to avoid any embarrassment.”

It is understood that German Chancellor Angela Merkel was able to advise the Prime Minister on the metal pants as, being German, she enjoys wearing peculiar underwear.

However, there is concern that the metal pants could create a diplomatic faux-pas with the new president.

“Well, firstly, we’re Americans, we think pants are trousers, so there’s that,” said a spokesperson for Mr Trump.

“But mainly, this is clearly quite insulting. Mr Trump will merely wish to greet Mrs May as he greets all women; warmly by the pussy.

“If he can’t get any purchase, or if there’s a big clanking sound when he tries to greet her then, yes, I think it’s fair to say that he’s going to take that as an insult.”

It is understood that the metal pants are guaranteed to provide protection for 4-5 years.

Mrs May is currently praying they won’t need replacing.

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