Tuesday 24 January 2017 by Spacey

Human evolution put on hold while people argue over definition of ‘facts’


Arguing about facts

The evolution of the human race has been placed on hold until people stop treating facts like a form of witchcraft.

With facts now being dismissed as knowledge-based heresy, clear evidence of things definitely happening has come under intense scrutiny.

“Concrete evidence that an event has undoubtedly occurred doesn’t necessarily mean that it happened,” explained leading expert in denying the undeniable, Professor Simon Williams.

“Even though I just said that, who’s to say that I didn’t?

“If you’re reading this on a laptop, phone or tablet have you considered you might actually be playing swingball with Ross Kemp?”

Professor Williams went on to explain that what you are seeing with your own eyes is not necessarily what you are seeing with your own eyes.

“They might not be your eyes and you might not even be you,” he said.

“You might be someone else pretending to be you in your own head while you watch.

“In fact, I might be you pretending to be me in a bid to convince people that I’m someone else.

“Don’t shoot the messenger.”

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