Saturday 21 January 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Americans treating every day without nuclear armageddon as a bonus


Happy American couple

With President Trump now firmly ensconced in the White House, it seems that most Americans are now just taking things one day at a time, and if that day doesn’t bring nuclear holocaust then that’s a bonus.

“Well, he’s been President for 30 minutes or so and Washington isn’t already a radioactive wasteland,” said Simon Williams, a disgraceful liberal elite from Upper Manhattan, shortly after the inauguration.

“That’s better than I expected.”

Sad loser Eleanor Gay, a lecturer from Georgetown University, was taking a philosophical approach.

“Every day I wake up not consumed in the nuclear fires of armageddon is a day I didn’t think I’d have,” she said.

“So I’m going to smell the flowers, enjoy the birds, and generally live that day as if it’s my last.

“Because if that lunatic decides to stop picking on the casts of musicals or civil rights leaders with his goddamn Twitter account and starts picking fights with other despots, then it really could be.”

However, a few people have found an upside to the impending nuclear doom.

“I just checked with a local bookie,” said Bo Duke, a bootlegger from Georgia.

“And he’s still offering 1000/1 that America will be destroyed in all out nuclear war before 2020.

“So I put 20 bucks on it, and so now either there’s no nuclear armageddon or I win 20 grand.

“It’s win/win.”

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