Thursday 19 January 2017 by Jim Bob Cooter

Michael Flatley’s upper body refusing to perform at Donald Trump inauguration


Michael Flatley's upper body refusing to perform at Trump inauguration

Michael Flatley’s upper body has announced that it will not be performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration celebration.

The news comes just hours after Flatley was confirmed as a performer at the event.

“I just want to make it perfectly clear that I want no part of this at all,” explained Flatley’s torso.

“I find the whole thing abhorrent. It was the legs who accepted the booking. But they’re the only part of us that people care about – the arms weren’t even consulted.”

While Flatley’s upper body will be attending, it made it clear that they would not be participating in the performance.

“If the legs want to go through with it, that’s fine. They can flail around all they like; I’m just going to stay perfectly still, with my arms stuck fast to my side in protest.”

Mr Flatley’s legs dismissed the concerns.

“It’s not a political decision doncha know. We just love to dance so we do. Feckin’ love it.”

Flatley’s legs didn’t believe that the upper body protest would affect the performance.

“We don’t need the upper body at all; we can carry the show ourselves. I’ve been supporting that dead weight during my entire career.

“I doubt anyone will even notice the arms, to be honest, what with all the kicking we’ll be doing.”

Michael Flatley’s face was unavailable for comment, pending medical sign-off from its plastic surgeon.

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