Thursday 19 January 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Michael Flatley booked to provide audio camouflage for Trump assassin’s gunshots


Michael Flatley Donald Trump inauguration

Michael Flatley’s stompy dancing will perfectly cover up the sound of a shot from a U.S. SOCOM M24 rifle this Friday.

Ostensibly booked to entertain people, the real purpose of Flatley’s booking became clear following a CIA memo leaked (steady) from Russian intelligence.

“Ah fine, you rumbled us,” admitted CIA operative, Simon Williams.

“The plan was to have Flatley and his troupe stomp away while our ‘lone-wolf’ assassin opened fire on President Trump.

“He and the crowd would have been mesmerised by the Irishman’s flailing legs and stomping feet, and nobody would even notice Trump was dead until the music stopped and they saw him face down on the table.

“Even then they’d have to check to make sure he hadn’t got over-excited by some cake placed in front of him, and our gunman would be conveniently shot to death while making his escape. It was a fool-proof plan.

“But now you’ve rumbled us, so I guess we’ll have to wait for the fireworks instead, which is way less clever. I hope you’re happy.”

American citizen, Jay Cooper, said, “I’m absolutely horrified by this.

“Michael Flatley is fucking awful. Just shoot Trump during the fireworks. You’re not making a sequel to The Manchurian Candidate here.”

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