Thursday 19 January 2017 by Dan Sweryt

Man Utd to leave Premier League to concentrate on Deloitte Football Money League


Manchester United

Manchester United have announced they are leaving the English Premier League to concentrate on consolidating their position at the top of the Deloitte Football Money League.

The recently crowned Deloitte Football Money League champions said they were leaving the ‘small potatoes’ Premier League to focus on the more lucrative business of making money.

Manager Jose Mourinho said, “It’s nice for Manchester United to finish top of a league for a change, even though this one is nothing to do with kicking a ball.

“Football has become less and less about football since the advent of the Premier League, and finally we’ve made the logical decision to take the actual sports bit out of the equation – this makes a lot of sense for this football club, at this time.

“It also means we can get rid of the biggest waste of money in our business – footballers.

“We’ve made more money than any other club in the world but think how much we would have made if we didn’t have to pay the likes of Pogba, Fellaini and Rooney hundreds of thousands a week to wander around the pitch looking bored.”

Supporter Simon Williams, a season ticket holder since before he was born and wearing all three of this week’s new replica jerseys, said, “This is the natural, organic step forward for this club.

“For too long we, as loyal and devoted football fans, have had to put up with our ‘results’ being entirely down to unreliable players.

“Now, we’re safe in the knowledge that each Saturday we can turn up, sit in our seats and watch the cash registers spin as the money flows in.

“The cheer as we pass each million will be much louder and more satisfying than watching us fight out a disappointing one-all against a Burnley team who have parked the bus.”

Liverpool and Man City fans have shown their support by agreeing this course of action is indeed in the best interests of the game.

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