Friday 13 January 2017 by Spacey

Please spare a thought for all those who’ve had their flight cancelled, say UK homeless


Homeless

With the UK experiencing snow and heavy winds, and the vulnerable faced with life-threatening conditions, the UK’s homeless have asked people to spare a thought for those facing long delays at the nation’s airports.

With some travellers forced to spend one whole night at Heathrow, the homeless have set up a charity that they hope will raise awareness of the plight currently being experienced by those eager to go on holiday to avoid the winter weather.

“While the people that are homeless are genuinely real people, they can only try to imagine what it must be like to be faced with long delays for a flight to Antigua,” said a spokeshobo.

“I’ve heard stories that the WH Smith at Gatwick is running out of books, and all that’s left is an Alan Titchmarsh autobiography and a copy of The Da Vinci Code.

“That sort of adversity is something that deserves 24×7 news coverage and the undivided attention of the nation.”

Miriam Chimpney-Waters has been at Heathrow for over 11 hours, and despite being stupid enough to think that her flight would be flying out as scheduled, is angry that she is suffering an inconvenience.

“It’s an outrage,” she blasted. “This has been an awful year for the middle classes, a real annus horribilis.

“What’s even more frustrating is that I can’t blame Brexit!”

The Met Office has warned of more snow and ice in many parts of the country, with one meteorologist comparing the chances of people getting their flights today with the likelihood of “Sue Pollard and Stephen Hawking taking the lead roles in a remake of Last Tango in Paris.”

Other tragic tales of snow include Margaret Frampton being unable to collect the new television she ordered in the sales from John Lewis, meaning she’d have to try again later in the week – something she described as “a bit of a bloody pain actually.”

Also, retiree Roy Gardener is tragically unlikely to be able to play his usual round of golf on Sunday morning.

Have you been affected by the heavy snow and ice or have your travel plans been disrupted?  Then please don’t get in touch as we literally could not give less of a shit.

Or, instead, you could maybe help these folks.

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