Donald Trump has declined to ask The Fall to perform at his inauguration, insisting that he has some standards.
After the Macc Ladds, Johnny Rebel and Kanye West all declined invitations, The Fall are now the only band in the entire world who have not been asked to appear in Washington next week.
Sources close to the band say Smith thinks that an oddly-shaped man bellowing incoherent abuse at all and sundry before turning his back on the crowd would be a perfect match for the event, and is ‘fookin livid’ that Trump hasn’t been on the phone.
When reporters suggested to the Trump team that The Fall were better than nothing at all, a spokesman laughed scornfully and told them to stop taking the piss.
Smith has not been available for interviews as he’s too busy sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, but bassist Simon Williams, who was a member of The Fall for almost eighty minutes earlier this year, told us that “Mark has got a brand new diamond-pattern sweater with hardly any stains on it out of the wardrobe ready to fly to America at the drop of the hat.”
He continued, “And he really pushed the boat out and bought two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 from the corner shop so the President could celebrate the greatest day of his life – and the inauguration – in real style.
“Of course he drank them straight away, but he punched a band member until they agreed to go out and buy some more while he waits.”