Tuesday 10 January 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Jeremy Corbyn suggests everyone be paid in hugs


Jeremy Corbyn wage cap

Hugging will be the new currency under a Jeremy Corbyn government.

The socialist housewife’s choice outlined the plans in an interview with BBC Radio 4, following on from a statement that there should be a maximum earnings limit.

“What’s nicer than a hug?” argued Corbyn, quietly.

“Money is the root of all evil. That has been proved time and time again.

“Nothing bad has ever come from a hug – I mean there was one time with my scoutmaster, but generally they’re great for the soul, and I’m sure they’d be great for the economy.”

Office worker, Simon Williams, said, “I have several questions, I suppose.”

“My yearly salary is £28,000. What’s the equivalent hug rate for that?

“Who would do the hugging? If it’s my boss, then bollocks to that. The man hasn’t showered since the turn of the century.

“On the other hand, if it’s Tina with the tits from payroll, then I’m all in favour. I’m a reasonable man. Perverted and reasonable. That’s me.”

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