Monday 9 January 2017

The iPhone has made the world a better place, insists man who spends life constantly glued to small black screen


People on their phones

It is ten years since the release of the iPhone, a device which has made the world a better place according to a man who spends every waking moment glued to the screen of one.

Simon Williams, who has had an iPhone since 2007, said he could not imagine life without it.

He explained, “The iPhone is a magical device that has changed the world in so many ways and allows me to stay connected to people wherever I am, and whatever I’m doing.

“Well, it allows me to be connected to all the people I’m not physically sat next to, obviously. Those people tend to annoy me by telling me to ‘get off the bloody phone’, but I can’t do that and be connected to the world, can I.

“If I’ve got the whole world at my fingertips, why would I want to talk to the one person across the dinner table about their day at work?

“I do put it down sometimes, obviously – when it needs charging or something. But I’ve set up alerts for everything important, which is everything – and that means it’s pinging me to check it every minute or so during the day.

“I can’t help it if my girlfriend chooses that precise moment to explain that someone at work was mean to her.”

Williams’ girlfriend, Sarah, told us, “The iPhone has been around for ten years, has it? Maybe the next version should allow you to have sex with it – Simon will certainly be interested, what with him being single by this weekend.”

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