Sunday 8 January 2017 by Davywavy

White Witch of Narnia appointed Governor of the Bank of England


The White Witch of Narnia has been appointed Governor of the Bank of England after predicting the weather would be always winter and never Christmas based on a one-week sample last November.

Jadis, last Queen of Charn, will take over the role from Mark Carney before the Spring, which she has thus far accurately predicted will never come.

Her policy of magicking up money and Turkish Delight from nowhere to reassure markets has been praised by Nobel-prize winner Paul Krugman, who said that Jadis represents the very forefront of contemporary economic thinking.

Some observers are concerned that she will pack the Bank with her cronies, most notably a malignant and spiteful dwarf, although a spokesman for Gordon Brown said he was too busy.

“For years, we’ve been using a similar methodology to the Met Office in making our predictions and it’s a mystery to us why pine cones and a string of seaweed outside the door didn’t see the crash of 2008 coming,” said Bank of England chief economist Andy Haldane.

“But then along comes White Witch and it’s clear that she saw a terrible event of sub-zero interest rates and financial winter that will never end coming, and, well, she’s been right so far.

“She offers firm leadership and a record for accuracy which is currently second to none. What could possibly go wrong?” he added.

However, contrarian economists have criticised the White Witch’s predictive record and insisted that spring is coming in a book issued today titled “Aslan Shrugged.”

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