A child has broken the confidentiality agreement imposed on him by Sony’s legal department to reveal that his dad is not, as widely believed, an unemployable layabout – but is actually a maverick games scientist and they have a PS8 in the attic.
Simon Williams, 11, came forward to make the claim after returning to school to hear that several of his little mates received shiny new PS4s and Xbox Ones for Christmas.
“Honest, it’s well true!” chirped the roguish pipsqueak, who denied that all he got was a knock-off PS2 and some well-thumbed back copies of Auto Trader.
After schoolmates and reporters had labelled Williams’s claims as ‘Bollocks’, the plucky youngster launched into a lengthy and poorly-constructed sentence revealing more about his father’s part in Sony’s secret PlayStationing.
“My dad, right, he gets flowed over to the secret Sony labs in Americas every Tuesday which are years and years ahead of what’s in the shops and I’ve got the PS5, PS6 and PS7 but now I’m bored with them, lol, so I’ve been playing the PS8 all over Christmas and it’s all in virtual reality and has smell-O-visions and it’s the best thing ever but now it’s back in the attic and shhh don’t tell anyone or I’ll get zapped by Men in Black from Sony.”
Simon’s dad, Simon senior, told reporters to “Sod off and tell that little brat to stop talking such bollocks” when pressed for comment on his way to Oddbins.