Friday 6 January 2017 by Davywavy

Jools Holland returned to suspended animation


Jools holland frozen

The twelfth day of Christmas has been marked by the ceremonial return of Jools Holland to deep freeze until next Christmas.

Holland is kept in cryogenic suspension for most of the year before being thawed like a fish finger in a microwave to entertain the nation with his annual Hootenanny.

Senior executives at the BBC insisted on the freezing in his contract, saying that they expect Holland’s show to be a fixture of schedules until 2247, whether the nation likes it or not.

“We usually wake him up about the 19th of December to give him time to learn some topical gags and play a couple of recent tunes”, a BBC executive told us.

“It’s normally quite a simple process, as banging on about how great Mumford and Sons and Seasick Steve are isn’t challenging, even when your brain is a half-frozen mush.

“In fact, that’s often the ideal state of mind.”

Producers revealed that preparing Holland for his 2016 appearance was more challenging than usual as half the people he’d been planning on inviting a year earlier were dead.

Many viewers have been concerned over whether the process is humane, but producers have confirmed Holland only suffers a small amount from the process.

However, viewers groups responded that it’s not him they’re worried about.

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