Friday 6 January 2017 by Dan Sweryt

Iceberg insists it can thrive on its own after winning referendum to leave Antarctica


Iceberg to break away from Antarctica

One of the ten biggest icebergs ever recorded is planning to leave Antarctica immediately after comprehensively winning a referendum on the matter.

After the vote, a rift in the Larsen C ice shelf grew suddenly, and there is now little hope of the iceberg retaining strong links to Antartica.

A number penguins have raised funds to appeal the case to the Southern Hemisphere Supreme Court, but it is expected to be too little, too late.

The iceberg, calling itself Nigel, told reporters, “For too long we’ve been held back by the cold temperatures of the world’s 5th largest continent.

“The liberal elites will tell you the only way for us to survive is by clinging on to the antiquated Antarctic, but who needs experts? We will not only survive, we will thrive as we move off into warmer climates to follow our own destiny.

“We will be out there, floating somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, and everyone will want to come and see us, and why wouldn’t they. We’re the tenth biggest iceberg. Within twenty years we could be the biggest iceberg ever – think big people!

“We won, you lost, you need to get over it.”

Although expert opinion suggests the breakaway is a bad idea for the iceberg’s long-term prospects, many angry icerbergers have dismissed their so-called expert opinions as nothing more than biased rhetoric designed to hold back true iceberg patriots.

Environmentalist Simon Williams told us, “We’ve tried explaining that an iceberg that breaks away will wither and die over time, but Nigel simply responded that we were part of the establishment elite trying to stop the indigenous ice from regaining control of its borders.

“So be it, I’m kinda interested to see who he blames as the iceberg shrinks to nothing over the next few years.”

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