Thursday 5 January 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Nigel Farage biopic casts horrible little slug that won’t fuck off in lead role


Nigel Farage UKIP movie

The much-mooted film about the life of Nigel Farage moved a step closer to reality after producers announced they’d cast a horrible little slug that won’t fuck off in the titular role.

The film has been rumoured for the past year, but this is the first concrete sign of activity.

“Casting was always going to be key, and difficult,” said producer Simon Williams.

“We’d auditioned a beetle, some human excrement and James Woods, but none of them could really get that sense of unpleasantness required to convincingly portray Nigel.

“We needed an actor that could give the audience that visceral mix of disgust, nausea and loathing so familiar to people who regularly see Nigel Farage on television.”

It was starting to look as if the film would be over before it had really begun when a miracle happened.

“This horrible little slug just started sliming across the floor,” laughed Mr Williams.

“And not matter what we did, it wouldn’t fuck off. We’d tried explaining that it wasn’t welcome and it was making everything worse, we tried ignoring it, we tried just screaming at it, but to no avail.

“Suddenly it hit me; a horrible little slug that won’t fuck off? It’s Nigel Farage. Perfect.”

Mr Williams would not comment on rumours that the prominent role of columnist Katie Hopkins has been given to some antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

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