Thursday 5 January 2017

CEOs would take rest of the year off if they could stomach your pathetic lifestyle


Businessman celebrating yearly wage earned by Tuesday

After reports that leading CEOs had earned your yearly wage by yesterday afternoon, it was revealed they could take the rest of the year off if only they could stomach living like you.

The High Pay Centre says the UK’s top bosses have earned the average wage of £28,000 just two days into the 2017 working year, meaning they could down tools if they were willing to slum it like you do.

Worker Simon Williams said, “I like the idea of taking most of the year off, but I live in a shitty flat, and my freezer is full of ready meals made by Iceland – what sort of life would that be?

“Sure, I could binge watch Netflix for a couple of months, but snacking and booze would be limited by budget, so I’d probably want to go back to work by mid-February.

“I really like me, and I wouldn’t want to live like me.”

Chief Executive Henry Matthews told us, “Take the year off and live on £28,000? Do I look like a moron?

“I think, rather than take the year off; I’ll work a little harder this year so that next year I’ve earned the average yearly wage by the first afternoon instead.”

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