Wednesday 4 January 2017 by Lucas Wilde

UK’s EU ambassador performs one-man Brexit


Brexit UK ambassador resigns

The UK’s ambassador to the EU has cracked on with his own Brexit.

Namby-pamby fusspot and probable member of the liberal elite, Sir Ivan Rogers, has resigned his post as ambassador ahead of Brexit negotiations, presumably because they’ll just be far too complicated for the precious little snowflake and not because he foresees a series of monumental cock-ups on the horizon.

“A one-man Brexit is fairly unprecedented,” confirmed Simon Williams, a so-called expert in something or other.

“In a way, Brexiters should be impressed with the speed at which this man has Brexited. He’s managed to do it without triggering Article 50.

“I would suggest Downing Street could learn a thing or two from him but it sounds like the fact they won’t is the very reason he’s leaving.

“Either that or he’s just a massive, whinging shit. Depends which newspaper you read, really.”

It’s not clear what the future holds for Sir Ivan, although rumours abound that he is in line for the recently vacated Head Coach position at Hull City Football Club.

A spokesman for Hull City said, “Sir Ivan has a proven track record in dealing with a bunch of ineffectual and overpaid divas.

“So obviously he’s our first pick to help out at our football team.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt

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