Wednesday 4 January 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Leave campaign calls for EU ambassador to be replaced with grinning simpleton yes-man


Grinning simpleton yes-man

Following EU Ambassador Sir Ivan Rogers’ surprise resignation, there are calls to replace him with a grinning simpleton who just agrees with everything David Davis says.

Sir Ivan resigned after his comments about the potential for Brexit to be ‘a bit complicated’ were condemned by many as being borderline treasonous, and a consequent suspicion that he might even be a bit French.

“The last thing we want is to have someone on the negotiation team with any sense of realism,” said surprisingly ubiquitous political retiree Nigel Farage.

“When David Davis wants expert advice on how other EU countries feel about Brexit, the last thing he needs to hear is a load of negative claptrap, or ‘truth’ as the liberal elites call it.

“When we won the EU referendum, we didn’t need any help from the truth, and I can’t see how it would help us now.”

Prime Minister Theresa May broadly agreed.

“I think it’s for the best Sir Ivan is moving on,” she said.

“I think that having someone with years of experience and insight into other EU countries on the team will only make things difficult when we try to spin that the negotiations are going swimmingly and all of Europe loves us and wants to give us Belgium as a goodbye present.”

Current favourites to be the grinning simpleton yes-man that replaces Sir Ivan are the nodding Churchill dog, a little smiley face drawn on David Davis’s hand or Vernon Kaye.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt

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