Friday 30 December 2016 by Gary Stanton

Extra leap second will delay Article 50 even further, moan Brexiters


leap second, Brexit

An extra second at the end of 2016 means Brexit is to be delayed yet again, according to the bellends who voted for it.

The so-called leap second is necessary to keep the world’s atomic clocks in sync with the Earth’s distinctive rhythm, which is directly determined by the EU.

Atomic clocks are far better at keeping time than the rotation of the Earth, which fluctuates unpredictability due to the hordes of migrants arriving in Dover.

As a result, New Year celebrations will be put on hold for the amount of time it takes Nigel Farage to size somebody up.

The extra second equals one thousand milliseconds or a billion nanoseconds, and most experts privately acknowledge that Brexit is now unlikely to happen at all.

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage said, “In the days of empire, the planet’s time was measured perfectly well by Big Ben, but this has proved unreliable after a poor maintenance job by Polish clock mechanics.”

Farage has since called for a point-based system for foreign timepieces, especially ones that use untrustworthy subatomic particles from Eastern Europe.

Brexit voter, Simon Williams, added, “For every second that we remain in the EU, a British Aryan simultaneously loses his job to and is raped by an EU Muslim with a well-prepared CV.”

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