Thursday 29 December 2016 by Pete Redfern

Tragedy strikes as report claims only Snickers left in the Celebrations tub


Snickers in celebrations

Disappointed children across the UK have reported that just a few days after Christmas the only chocolates left in the confectionary tub are Snickers.

Whilst the cause of the phenomenon is yet to be formally identified, the popular theory amongst the children and teenagers of households up and down the country is that the grown-ups have been eating all the good Mars and Galaxy chocolates whilst their offspring are asleep in bed, leaving them with the less popular Snickers chocolates.

Seven-year-old Timmy, son of Simon Williams and his partner Eleanor Gay, made the devastating discovery when he attempted to sneak a cheeky chocolate from the family tub straight after breakfast, only to discover it was full of empty wrappers and mini Snickers bars.

“It’s not fair,” he whined.

“I know Daddy loves the Snickers ones, but because he knows none of us like them he eats all the other good ones first and then eats the Snickers as well.”

Refuting the allegations, his father Simon said ,“I’ve only had four or five chocolates in total from that tub. Maybe six. Perhaps it’s been seven or eight. Ok, a dozen, tops. Well, twenty-ish.

“But I think the main culprit is their mother. She claims she’s on a diet, but the other day I saw her wrap one of the mini Mars in a lettuce leaf before scoffing it down in a ridiculous attempt to fool us. Who knows how many she’s eaten.”

The issue appears to have been exacerbated by no-one having enough money to buy each other Roses chocolates, and Quality Street reducing the size of their tubs, leading to an increase in sales in Celebrations.

Timmy concluded, “I don’t really care who has died and I don’t know what a Brexit is.

“I just want Snickers to be replaced by a good chocolate. Is that too much to ask?”

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