Tuesday 27 December 2016 by Tommy Charles

Being in love with Jeremy Clarkson ‘much gayer than eating ice cream’, Richard Hammond told


Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond

Grand Tour presenter Richard Hammond has been advised that if he is worried about being gay, being in love with another man is a much clearer indicator than eating an ice cream.

The star has faced widespread criticism for saying he didn’t eat ice cream because he deemed it to be a homosexual act.

However, others have taken a more sympathetic view and offered kind words of advice to the under-fire and clearly deranged celebrity.

Chairmen of the ‘Curious Cats’ advice line Simon Williams said, “We have been inundated with calls asking if having ice cream makes you gay.

“There is no scientific evidence behind this, although over-enthusiastic consumption of lollies may be a warning sign.

“However, I’d like to offer some advice to Richard Hammond and say that he needn’t worry about eating ice cream, but if he is worried about being homosexual, his burning love for Jeremy Clarkson should perhaps be cause for concern.

“I would argue that following him around like a love-sick puppy and gazing longingly into his eyes any time he speaks is far gayer than having a bit of ice cream.”

Mr Hammond’s wife, meanwhile, confirmed that he has always refused to eat ice cream.

“He’s certainly not keen on licking anything, I can tell you that,” she said.

“Whenever I suggest having any kind of frozen dessert he just squeals and hides behind Jeremy’s leg.

“He once nearly ate a Vienetta thinking it was a slice of cake, but immediately spat it out and locked himself in the garage for a week.”

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