Saturday 24 December 2016 by Garth Apthomas

Teenager who hates vegetables creates fake news health alert about sprouts


Sprouts

A young computer genius with an intense hatred of green veg has unleashed a cunning plan to get out of eating sprouts on Christmas Day.

Jack Williams, aged 13 of Ipswich, spent three hours painstakingly hacking into the Department of Health’s website last night. He surreptitiously placed a false national alert on the news section, which preys on his parents’ love of Brexit and suspicion of all things foreign.

The teenager’s fake newsflash warned shoppers to beware of a dangerous consignment of sprouts which has been imported into England from Europe.

The vegetables have been categorised as potentially lethal, containing high levels of toxins due to years of neglect by lazy French farmers.

The official Government advice for consumers is throw to any suspicious vegetables away immediately.

Commenting on the wheeze, Williams said it hadn’t been particularly difficult to break into the Department of Health’s website.

“It was a lot easier than hacking the e-mails of the Democratic Party in America, which thankfully the CIA seems to think was carried out by Russians,” he chuckled.

Williams is confident the fake news plan will work a treat, and he will escape having to eat “horrible green gloop” this year.

“My mum and dad have long suspected the Europeans would try to murder us after voting to get out the EU,” Tibbins added.

“So this alert pushes all the right buttons.”

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