Thursday 22 December 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Morale at rock bottom as office enters 43rd day without cakes


cakes in the office

An office that has gone over a month without cakes is said to be in a state of grim, unremitting misery.

“This must be what it’s like in those African famines you get some Christmases,” said claims handler Simon Williams, who has worked at Taylor and Lebon Insurance ltd all his adult life

“Just day after day after day of hardship and suffering without any hope of cakes.”

The last cakes purchased for the office were in celebration of Mr Williams’ colleague’s birthday. His eyes light up at the memory.

“Wonderful cakes,” he said, unable to suppress a sob.

“All from Mr Bunn’s on the high street – fresh cream, beautiful jam, the lightest pastry you can imagine.”

Mr Williams at this point broke down in tears crying ‘just a tub of M&S extremely chocolatey mini-bites, just one.’

It is thought that no office has ever gone so long without cakes.

The previous recorded longest time for an office to go without cakes was at in 2008 when the offices of Lehmann Brothers in London’s Docklands went for 40 days without cake.

This led to the collapse of the bank and precipitated a global financial crisis.

The next birthday in the offices of Taylor and Lebon is Mr Lebon himself but that is still nearly a month away and there is speculation that he intends to spend it away from the office on his yacht, so there is considerable uncertainty and concern over the cake situation.

It is understood that if the office reaches a terrifying 100 days without cakes, Oxfam will step in and provide a small emergency selection of Tesco value cakes.

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