Wednesday 21 December 2016 by Davywavy and Orange Peel

Vampires celebrating their longest day of the year


Vampire longest day

Lords of the un-dead are celebrating the winter solstice, their longest day of the year.

Vampires plan to leap from their biers bright and late this afternoon to make the most of a good, long night of bloodsucking and terror amongst the mortal herd.

Many do not plan to go back to bed until seven or even eight o’clock tomorrow morning.

Many Vampires report suffering from SAD – Sunshine Annihilates Dracula – during the long summer days and so this time of year comes as a welcome respite from months of misery.

“I love this time of year,” Vampire spokesghoul Count Simonov Williamsovitch told us.

“You can get up early and stay out late and it’s just lovely and dark, whilst the humans all wear bright colours to make them easy to spot from your silent, batlike vantage point atop a gothic spire.

“In the name of all that is unholy I hate the summer solstice.  All those happy mortals out in the – ugh – sunshine with their tanning lotion and happy, fangless smiles and pets that aren’t blood-crazed, terrifying hounds of Hell. It must be awful for them.

“I much prefer this time of year. I just sing ‘Baby it’s cold outside’ and they think I’m being dead romantic and let me into their homes for a bite.”

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