Wednesday 21 December 2016 by Davywavy

Scottish National Party unveil letter to Father Christmas


Nicola Sturgeon

Nicola Sturgeon has unveiled a letter to Father Christmas written by an eight-year-old rather than the expected blueprint for the Scottish parliament’s position on Brexit.

Insisting that the letter, written by Calum Gilhoolie of Dundee and put up the chimney on the 23rd of November, was “aspirational, achievable and contained fully-costed and workable proposals which people will see the sense of”, Sturgeon said that if she isn’t granted everything in the letter, including the pony, she might call another referendum.

“Referendum”, she added. “Referendum, referendum, referendum.

“Referendum.”

In the note, Calum tells Santa that he is unhappy sharing a house with his brother and asks that Father Christmas make him move out, with the caveat that Calum be allowed to “keep playing with his toys whenever I like, but he won’t be allowed to play with mine”.

He then goes on to say that he’d like lots more pocket money, which Santa could take off his brother after he has gone away.

Adding to the list of requests, Calum then asks Santa for “lots of soldiers but only nice ones who don’t have any guns to shoot anybody”, “a special magic car which goes really fast and never runs out of petrol”, “a holiday in Europe whenever I like” and “being allowed to stay up to watch The Grand Tour”.

The letter, written in yellow crayon, then goes off at a tangent to tell Santa all about Calum’s friends.

In early drafts the 8-year-old says his “two bestest friends are Irish and Icelandic because they are rich,” but this section appears to have been scribbled out with a biro and a hasty addendum notes that his best friend is actually German. However, polling in Germany indicates that nobody there has heard of him.

However, polling in Germany indicates that nobody there has heard of him.

When asked to comment on the prospects of Father Christmas bringing little Calum the presents he wants, Calum’s father, Dougal, said, “The little beggar can have a pair of socks and a bike and like it.”

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