Tuesday 20 December 2016 by Neil Tollfree

UN to classify hanging toilet paper the wrong way round as human rights violation


Toilet roll

The UN is to try to eradicate the scourge of hanging toilet paper the wrong way round by making it a human rights violation and leaving those who commit the act of hanging toilet paper the wrong way round open to prosecution.

The correct method of hanging toilet paper, as established in the 1891 toilet roll patent, is for the end of the paper to hang off the exterior of the roll away from the wall.

“Perhaps now more than ever, the world is facing the most appalling problems of global warming, terrorism, and disease,” said UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.

“But there is nothing quite as troubling to most people as hanging toilet paper the wrong way round, and we hope that by clarifying it’s nature as a violation of basic human rights, we can finally bring this nightmare to an end.”

Simon Williams, a bubble-wrap inflator from Chelmsford, has been a victim of someone hanging the toilet paper the wrong way round.

“I just went to the loo one morning,” he said with trembling voice.

“And the paper was hanging down against the wall, it was awful. My wife must have put it there.

“I called the police immediately but was shocked to hear that, whilst they were sympathetic, they had no power to take her into custody.”

However, with the new UN directive the authorities will finally have the power to arrest Mrs Williams and criminals like her and lock them all up for a very long time.

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