Monday 19 December 2016 by Davywavy

Jeremy Corbyn given bottle of whisky and a loaded revolver in Secret Santa


Jeremy Corbyn secret Santa

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has received a bottle of whisky and a gun in this year’s Labour Party Secret Santa.

Corbyn, who is understood not to enjoy the fullest support from a large proportion of the Parliamentary party, received the gift carefully wrapped and left on a silver tray on his desk from an unknown fellow MP.

The gift, from an anonymous benefactor, is understood to reflect ongoing dissatisfaction with Corbyn’s leadership and his preference for spending time making jam and going badger-watching instead of addressing the Conservative party’s 17-point poll lead.

However, Corbyn is said to be ‘mystified’ by the purpose of the gift as everyone knows he doesn’t drink spiritous liquors, preferring instead ethically-sourced fairtrade water.

The annual Secret Santa event is intended as a bit of fun to bring MPs closer together, but factional infighting and point scoring is normal – such as last year when Emily Thornberry received a Matchbox white van and St George flag.

“It’s a bit of mystery who pulled Jezza out of the hat in the Secret Santa,” we were told.

“Obviously it’s one of the people who’d rather Jeremy weren’t leader, but that doesn’t narrow it down much to be honest.

Momentum have vowed their ruthlessly efficient internal security organisation will locate the culprit and ensure they’re never heard from again deselected.

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