Friday 16 December 2016 by Tommy Charles

“No, I was blanking THEM actually,” insists Theresa May


Theresa May

Theresa May has insisted that she was the one ignoring other the European leaders at today’s EU summit, where she was pictured awkwardly standing alone as her counterparts greeted each other around her.

In what has been framed as an apt portrayal of the United Kingdom’s future relationship with Europe, the footage appears to show the Prime Minister being ignored by everybody around her as she excruciatingly shifts around awkwardly in her own skin.

However, she has sought to dispel such notions by stating that it was in fact, her that was ignoring them.

“I am actually not talking to any of them and I left the WhatsApp group chat last week because they were all being so mean,” May said.

“I’m just trying to get the best possible deal for Britain as we leave the EU, but they were constantly ripping it out of me asking ‘what does Brexit really mean’ all the time.

“Whenever I mentioned anything, they’d ask if it’ll be coming in red, white and blue – it’s infuriating.

“So basically I blanked them because they’re massive losers and I don’t want to talk to them anyway ‘cause I have new friends now who are way cooler.”

German Chancellor Angela Merkel denied May’s claims, saying, “She’s been bugging us constantly, but she knows the rules – if you don’t want to be in the EU, you don’t get to enjoy the banter of the group chat.

“We have all blocked her now, but when she showed up today it was just embarrassing really.

“I originally told her it was happening at a different venue, but she found out somehow and clearly wanted to be friends again like nothing had happened.

“In the end, everyone agreed to just ignore her and hopefully she’ll go away.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!

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