The traditional, heterosexual British fish supper is being replaced by migrant squid as the water surrounding the UK becomes increasingly gay, it has emerged.
Experts say battered cod could disappear from UK dinner plates within ten years to be replaced by radicalised calamari and Sharia tartar sauce.
And unless Brexit takes place immediately, other favourites like haddock and plaice could make way for same-sex sardines and openly gay anchovies.
UKIP’s, Simon Williams, said, “As the sea around the UK warms due to some process other than climate change, we are seeing these squid place an increasing strain on white, indigenous trawlers.
“We have examples of British cod turning towards Mecca and praying five times a day.”
Williams says vulnerable British cod are being radicalised by squid who hate our country and use their rubbery texture to take advantage of our soft-touch fisheries policy.
He added, “Pretty soon you won’t be able to walk into a fish and chip shop without being blown up by an ISIS-backed red mullet with bones in it.
“Due to our lax border policy, far too many of them are slipping through the net.”