Monday 12 December 2016 by Davywavy

Grayson Perry fails to win Turner Prize after turning up to awards ceremony in a suit


Grayson Perry Turner Prize

Grayson Perry did not win this year’s Turner Prize because he failed to turn up at the ceremony dressed like Widow Twankey, judges have revealed.

Perry, who makes pottery cocks like a 14-year-old in an art class, is lauded by the artistic establishment for his groundbreaking and intellectually stimulating work making pottery cocks like a 14-year-old in art class – meaning his failure to win yet another prize has stunned the art world.

Turner Prize judges decided at the last minute not to give him the award after he showed up dressed like a normal human being instead of a Pantomime Dame, possibly holding a gigantic lollipop.

“It’s important to keep challenging and pushing forward in artistic interpretations”, Turner Prize judge Simon Williams told us.

“For us Grayson’s pottery always represents the existentially transgressive element of art, encapsulating the essential angst of post-millennial humanity.

“Plus, giving him the prize is a way for us judges to show that unlike you, we are totally not fazed by a grown man in a baby doll frock, absolutely not, definitely.

“My masculinity doesn’t feel threatened by him, oh no. I always make sure I look him straight in the eye when I hand him the prize.

“Which means that when you’ve got yourself up like Wishee Washee at the Bradford Alhambra Panto once, you’ve got to keep upping the ante. We were hoping he’d show up on a tricycle dressed like Les Dawson in a frock and curlers.

“God, that would have shown all those stupid people who don’t understand art.”

However, when Perry showed up just wearing a dark grey off-the-peg suit from M&S, judges admitted they reassessed his work and went ‘Meh, it’s just a pot’.

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