The English FA has announced plans to encourage female participation in football by holding training sessions in home furnishing stores, such as Laura Ashley and Ikea.
Announcing the Initiative an FA spokesman said: “Combining football with home furnishings is a great way to get the girls and ladies interested in football.
“Our research indicates that women are put off playing football by the lack of classic designs and floral fabrics.”
The girls and ladies have welcomed the move despite criticism from militant left-wing feminists, such as the pupils of St Paul’s primary school.
“This is another example of the patriarchal hegemony that’s inherent in society,” fumed 9-year-old Simone Williams.
“What’s next? Ironing boards for goalposts?!”