Monday 5 December 2016 by Gary Stanton

Austria not as thick as pig shit


Austria not thick as pig shit

Austria is definitely not as thick as pig shit after rejecting the tidal wave of far-right madness currently gripping America and Britain.

The landlocked country has been ranked considerably more intelligent than the US by smug urban liberals for refusing to blame its problems on Mexicans.

Non-fascist candidate, Alexander van der Bellen, romped to victory over the deeply sinister Norbert Hofer as the liberal metropolitan elite got their country, which they had never lost, back.

Hofer, who had a brief spell with Tranmere Rovers, campaigned on an anti-immigration, big fuck-off wall type of platform.

Cosmopolitan type, Simon Willhelms, who works in media or some other shit, said, “This victory means the red and white Austrian flag will remain free of any kind of hooked cross centrepiece for the foreseeable future.”

Citizens of Vienna have shown considerable wisdom in the past by declining to exhibit artwork by Adolf Hitler, although that didn’t work out so well.

Willhelms added, “This is a victory for liberty, equality, solidarity and hummus.”

Last night UKIP leader Paul Nuttall, who is busy finishing his PhD entitled ‘Non-indigenous types and their impact on infrastructure’ , was unavailable for comment.

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