Wednesday 30 November 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Village without idiot offers Chris Grayling a job


Chris Grayling

Transport Secretary Chris Grayling, who has spent the last six months doing absolutely nothing about the ongoing problems with Southern Rail, has been offered the role of ‘idiot’ at a Sussex Village, it has been revealed.

The village of Hassocks has been without an idiot since the previous incumbent lost his life in an incident with a bucket of water.

“Our previous village idiot was tremendous,” said Hassocks counsellor Simon Williams.

“He was really, really stupid. Monumentally thick. A genuine first class idiot. So, as you can imagine, he’s been incredibly difficult to replace.

“However, after seeing Chris Grayling’s handling of the ongoing managerial incompetence and industrial unrest on the Southern Rail network, we think he could be exactly the sort of person to fill the position of Hassocks Village Idiot.”

Mr Grayling, previously best known as the Justice Secretary who tried to ban books, has defended his record regarding the problems on the Southern network saying – “trains, they’re those tubey things on wheels that the lower orders use because they’re too working class to have a Government car? They’re funny.”

He is said to be considering the offer of Village Idiot but, modestly, is a little concerned that it might prove too demanding for him.

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