Monday 28 November 2016 by Davywavy

Jeremy Corbyn to attend Darth Vader’s funeral


Jeremy Corbyn to attend Darth Vader funeral

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is to attend the funeral of progressive champion Darth Vader, who died after falling into his own reactor on Friday.

Describing Vader as a champion of social justice, Corbyn acknowledged that the Dark Lord of the Sith had flaws but praised him as a ‘huge figure of modern history’.

In his statement, Corbyn’s only nod to the many cases of human rights abuse under Mr Vader’s rule was to acknowledge “all his flaws”, instead choosing to focus upon his heroics during the Clone Wars, a long time ago and far, far away.

Mr Corbyn said, “Darth Vader’s death marks the passing of a huge figure of modern history and 200th-century socialism.

“From building free bacta tanks for loyal citizens, to the Empire’s record of intergalactic solidarity with the Yuuzhan Vong abroad, Vader’s achievements were many.

“For all his flaws, Vader’s support for Naboo played a crucial role in bringing an end to Trade Federation control in that quadrant, and he will be remembered both as an intergalacticist, and a champion of social justice.”

Corbyn went on to say that Vader stood up for something very, very different in the galaxy, and many independent people would say how good healthcare and education are within the Empire compared to the Outer Rim.

Mr Vader will be cremated later today by members of his family, followed by a small, quiet funeral ceremony attended by well-wishers and apprentices hoping to acquire his trademark helmet and cigar to inspire them in finishing what he began.

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