Friday 25 November 2016 by Matt Ward

Subaru drivers ‘just want to be loved’, finds study


Subaru drivers just want a cuddle

Drivers of high powered Subaru vehicles harbour deep feelings of insecurity, lack confidence and secretly listen to Enya when no one is around, according to new research.

The findings were highlighted in a recent study into the mentality of 1,000 adult men who claim to have exceeded 70 mph in a supermarket car park.

Researcher, Eleanor Gay, said, “We found the Subaru WRX owner to be a particularly interesting specimen.

“On the face of it, they drive their powerful, souped-up vehicles around like they’re Alexander the Great or Vladimir Putin on steroids.

“But on questioning, the vast majority displayed serious emotional vulnerability and an inbuilt yearning for attention that means they just desperately want a cuddle.”

25-year-old, Leeds man, Simon Williams, owns a yellow 3 litre Subaru Impreza with a stencil of a Tasmanian devil on the rear windscreen.

He told researchers, “Yesterday I undertook three cars by mounting the pavement at 60 mph with only one finger on the steering wheel and no one clapped or anything.

“Some people weren’t even looking at me. Why weren’t they looking?

“I went home, sat on my kitchen floor and listened to ‘Orinoco Flow’ on repeat play for three hours.

“I just want someone to hold me.”

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