Monday 21 November 2016 by Pete Redfern

Queen claims 70 years of Prince Philip is perfect preparation for Donald Trump


Queen to meet Donald Trump

With tradition dictating that the British monarch should be amongst the first to meet a newly elected president, the Queen has assured everyone she knows exactly how to deal with men like that.

An unnamed source close to the royal family told reporters “She’s basically been living with a Trump-like character for decades, so she knows the level of bloke she’s dealing with.

“By all accounts, both the Duke of Edinburgh and Donald Trump have the same insatiable sexual appetite – you can only imagine how Philip suggested they celebrate their 69th anniversary. Hopeless.

“And then there’s the racism. She will probably attempt to discuss important matters such as the economy and international relations with Trump, but she just knows he’ll lower the tone of the conversation with the use of offensive racial stereotypes and his outdated misogynistic views.

“You know, like the ones she hears day in, day out from her husband.”

It is believed that the Queen will brace herself with a few gin and tonics before meeting Trump, in the hope that the effect of the alcohol will be to take her mind off the depressing thought that the strangely coiffed reality TV star could be the last president she gets to meet.

Her source also added, “Some people have expressed concern about the Queen having a private meeting with a self-confessed sexual predator, but they need not have any worries.

“She can handle herself – Philip has been trying to grab her by the pussy without success since the 1970s.”

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