Friday 18 November 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Petition to have Michael Gove cryogenically frozen reaches 9 million


Michael Gove frozen

Britain is extremely keen for Michael Gove to be shoved into a freezer, it has emerged.

A petition to put Gove on ice reached 9 million signatures last night, the ramifications of which would see the little bastard shoved into a deep freeze whether he fancies it, or not.

“I’ve signed it twice,” beamed non-expert, Simon Williams.

“I’ve even got a spare chest freezer we could use. It’s only waist-height, but I’m sure we can fold him into it somehow, with a hammer if necessary.

“I’m pretty sure that’s how cryogenics works, having watched Batman and Robin nearly all the way through.

“I’ve not heard what Gove thinks about all of this, but frankly I’m not too bothered about that.”

A spokesperson for Mr Gove said, “Michael is delighted by all of this.

“In fact, he has instructed me to deliver him to the nearest branch of Currys as soon as possible, and to ignore any protests he might make.

“He says he might put up a bit of a fight getting into the freezer, but he would like to assure the public that this is all part of the experience.

“I can give my own personal assurance that Michael has given his full, honest consent to being frozen.

“He’s also well up for said freezer to be fired directly into the sun.”

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