Tuesday 15 November 2016 by Gary Stanton

America to become world’s Police Community Support Officer


Community Support Officer

Following Donald Trump’s election victory, America is to become the world’s pretend policeman.

Under Trump’s isolationist rule, the United States will bear none of the powers of a real world policeman, while still being a legitimate target for twats.

The newly created role will allow the US to wear a stupid high-visibility jacket, while Russia gets to wear the proper uniform.

Political Analyst Simon Williams said, “The role of WPCSO will allow the US to strut along the sidewalk feeling important, without having the power to stop and search anyone.

“For example, America will retain the right to issue a fixed penalty notice to Vladimir Putin for cycling on a footpath, but can do fuck all to prevent Russian tanks from rolling into Estonia.

“Similarly, world police community support officers can ask Syria’s President Assad to move on if they find him drunk and disorderly in a public place.

“However, they are powerless to prevent him using barrel bombs on a children’s cancer ward.”

Williams added, “They’ll also get a shit pension.”

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