Tuesday 8 November 2016

Toblerone to release weight-loss DVD in time for Christmas


Lose weight the Toblerone

Toblerone is to reveal the secrets of its dramatic weight loss in a new fitness DVD to be released in time for Christmas.

Just weeks after appearing in public with a fuller figure, the new slender Toblerone has stunned fans and journalists alike, to the point of being almost unrecognisable.

“Dropping 15% of your bodyweight almost overnight might seem like a distant dream to many of you, well I will show you just how to do it,” explained a pumped Toblerone, pouting for the camera.

“Some so-called experts will tell you that losing weight is down to some newly discovered pill, or a disgusting diet you have to follow – when the true secret is actually just to hire a bunch of executives who will do anything to ensure they get their year-end bonus!

“With just a little bit of work each day, you too can reduce beloved ingredients that have become too expensive, until there’s simply less of you to go around.

“I will show you how to use an accountant’s spreadsheet to determine which bits to cut, and how quickly you should do it to ensure maximum profitability.

“Follow my program, and you too can have the body you deserve this Christmas.”

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