Tuesday 8 November 2016 by Davywavy and Hubon

Global markets turn red as Toblerone scandal unfolds


Toblerone

Markets worldwide have opened down this morning after news of the redesign of Toblerone broke overnight.

Concerns about the redesign weighed heavily on global markets causing a drop of almost 1% in early trading, with major indices in London, New York and Germany coming sharply off Monday’s highs.

The Bank of England and the US Federal Reserve both rushed to reassure markets with statements confirming that interest rate hikes were ‘off the table’ until stability had been reestablished and the bar had the correct number of triangles again.

Meanwhile, reports from Europe indicate that several countries have mobilised troops to mass on the Swiss border as international tensions were heightened by the change, with the United States ‘exploring options’ of how to send an aircraft carrier to the landlocked country.

“This provocative move by the Swiss is completely at odds with both international treaty and law,” said Germany Armed Forces spokesman Simon Wilhelms.

“If we don’t get a sensible number of triangles back pronto we’re going in shooting.”

The Swiss National Bank is accused of stockpiling old-style bars before the announcement in order to capitalise upon demand after the fact.

Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England made an unprecedented intervention in the row, saying that Switzerland’s actions were completely unreasonable now that the pound has reached parity with the chocolate coin.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: