Friday 4 November 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Cold caller insists Humpty Dumpty may be eligible for compensation for a recent accident


humpty dumpty

Popular wall-sitter Humpty Dumpty could be eligible for compensation for a recent accident, insists a completely legitimate legal company that called him out of the blue.

“Mr Dumpty had a very serious accident that almost certainly wasn’t his fault,” said compensation lawyer Jeremy Bastard of legitimate legal firm Bastard, Bastard, Bastard, and Shit.

“As such, we will be representing him as he seeks reparation for physical and mental trauma incurred as a result of what can only be described as ‘a great fall’.”

It is understood that the claim will not only consist of compensation for the physical injury and loss of earnings in Mr Dumpty’s position as an egg, but also for the costs of all the king’s horses and all the king’s men’s unsuccessful efforts to put him together again.

“We will also be seeking damages for psychological damage incurred as a result of a popular rhyme that developed in school playgrounds across the country mocking the plight of our client.”

Mr Dumpty himself has yet to comment on the case because not only is he an egg, but also because he is fictional.

If the court case is successful, it could open the doors to further compensation claims on behalf of Jack and Jill, Doctor Foster, and three blind mice.

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