Wednesday 2 November 2016 by Neil Tollfree

€100k in used notes might make poppies less political, say FIFA


Euro to bribe FIFA

Fifa has indicated that the row over England and Scotland players wearing poppies on their kit could be ended in recompense for a ‘gift’ of €100,000 in untraceable used bank notes.

“FIFA is committed to a new era without corruption,” said FIFA head Gianni ‘Razors’ Infantino.

“As such, we would never suggest any sort of bribe. However, if these guys, these British Legion guys, if they were to offer a small financial gesture of friendship, then perhaps we would be able to forget the political implications of wearing a symbol of remembrance and the whole situation could be resolved without any need for…unpleasantness.”

The row began after FIFA refused permission for the England and Scotland players to wear a poppy symbol on their shirts because, unlike the Nike or Puma logos, there is literally no money in it.

“I looked into it,” continued Don Infantino.

“These poppy guys brought in over a mil last year, and that’s pure untaxed profit. Now we ain’t asking for much over here, just a taste is all. A gesture. But in Euros, none of that worthless Sterling rubbish.

Although negotiations are currently amicable, there were indications that things could become less so.

“Hey, we’re all friends here but if, you know, if we can’t all get along,” said Mr Infantino with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“We’re going to have to make them an offer they can’t refuse.”

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