Tuesday 1 November 2016

Lottery winner refusing to buy gaudy expensive monstrosities


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Lottery winner Simon Williams has shocked friends and acquaintances by not spending his new found wealth on horrifically tasteless items that cost more than a family car.

Williams recently won “a couple of mill” which led to concern amongst friends of the former plaster that he would take to wearing full-length fur jackets and sporting a new set of gold teeth.

As one friend explained, “Simon’s never been the most tasteful bloke when it comes to clothes, or his house, or well, anything really – so we feared the worst when he won big on the lottery.

“We expected to see him buy a new house and have it looking like a particularly Donald Trump penthouse suite within a month, but he has shocked us all.

“Not only has he invested most of it, but he’s also got an interior designer to decorate his new flat, and it looks like something out of a magazine.

“I’ve got to admit, I’m a little bit annoyed that we’ve been left with so little take the piss out of.”

Williams himself said he been surprised how tasteful he has turned out to be.

“People often ask me, what is the secret to my success – and when I tell them, they ask me ‘how does one buy a lottery ticket online’

“Well, it was pretty easy. I bought a ticket, and now I’m a multimillionaire.

“The difficult part comes when someone hands you a massive cheque and the first thing you want to do is blow a big chunk of it on an orange Lamborghini, with all the trimmings.

“But my missus said no. Apparently, I now own a chunk of equity in a dozen start-ups and have a big stake in a large city mutual fund – whatever that is.

“But I can’t drive that round town showing off to the people who thought I was a loser, can I?”

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