Monday 31 October 2016 by Andy Musgrave

Britain loses half a million man-hours trying to change the time on the nation’s ovens


Oven clock

A report published today estimate that British people will collectively lose 480,000 hours trying to work out how to change the clock back one hour on the oven.

The study also goes on to state that although the clocks regularly change twice a year, the six-month intervals between events is sufficiently long enough to ensure that you can’t remember the procedure when it comes around once again.

“How are we supposed to remember how to do something we only do twice a year?” asked one oven owner, “It’s like expecting me to be a decent love-maker.”

“Although we’ve concentrated on the traditional oven in our study,” explained the report’s author, Simon Williams, “those with microwaves and central heating systems are equally affected.

“You’re going to spend most of this week ploughing through your least-used kitchen drawer looking for the dog-eared instructions to every appliance that uses a timer; and even then, you’re going to get it wrong many many times.”

Despite nobody being able to remember exactly why we change the clocks anymore it remains an important staple of British life, allowing smug people to post on Facebook how much they enjoyed their extra hour in bed and frazzled parents to be woken at 5am rather than 6am by a toddler with a harmonica who fails to understand ‘daylight savings’.

Today’s report also estimates that road traffic accidents will increase by as much as 300% this week as commuters stop looking at the roads to delve into the menus and sub-menus of their cars’ “infotainment” systems while attempting to reset the clock.

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