Friday 28 October 2016 by Gary Stanton

Tories convince Nissan bosses to stay in Britain with online wank-cam footage


Nissan, UK

Nissan bosses may have fallen prey to an online sex camera scam initiated by senior Tories.

Sources claim that the so-called “sweetheart deal” consists of Tory threats to upload footage of Nissan chiefs jerking off on webcams.

Nissan Director, ‘Simon Williams’, said, “I was on my laptop late one night when I received a chat request from a heavily made-up girl called Theresa M, who seemed vaguely familiar.

“She asked me what I did for a living, and so I told her I work for a big Japanese car firm and that we’re thinking of relocating to a country that doesn’t treat its workers like shit.

“She seemed a bit upset about that, but said I must be very rich and this was making her kind of hot.

“She told me that she’s really into sex and neo-liberal market economics and would I like to show her my big hard cock.

“She then began masturbating frantically and then invited me to do the same.”

Midway through the video, “Theresa” broke off, telling Williams that an important international call had come through that she really had to take.

Half an hour later the Nissan chief received an email from the ‘girl’ saying that any move to relocate his business from the UK to an EU country would result in a video of him masturbating being sent to his entire Facebook friend list.

Williams concluded, “I was initially worried about trade tariffs if we leave the EU, but now I’m more concerned about my Auntie Hilda watching a video of me spilling my muck on her smartphone.”

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